Tell me a Story

It was 1368. The great war between Freisberg and Salamica had just ended in the status quo. Both armies retreated back to their keeps in shame. After so much bloodshed the border remained where it always had been. It had not budged one bit. I then received a call on my mobile from the king of Freisberg who said he needed to avail of my services. I said it would have to wait because he was interrupting my speed dating. He emitted a hoarse laugh and said I was a fool, on-line dating was far superior. He said it would get me a girlfriend far faster, or at least a bit of raunchy antic in the bedroom. I thanked him for his advice and then asked what exactly was the mission he was tasking me with. He informed me that Salamica needed to be destroyed. I then got in my time machine and headed back to 1368 when the war was still raging. I appeared in the foyer of a large palace. The blue energy orb I appeared in seared the floor and set many of the wooden furnishings on fire with it's electrical bolts. I was naked when I arrived, as you cannot bring clothes through with you in the time machine. I then proceeded to steal the clothes from a nearby servant dormitory and travelled through the palace and its many fabulous gardens until I reached the throne room. There the king was consulting with his court. This was the king of Salamica by the way. He's the bad guy if you don't remember. I then took out my M4A1 carbine and let off several controlled bursts of fire into the crowd. The kind was downed. I then escaped, many knights following me in hot pursuit. I took out a foldable tricycle and escaped down an overgrown ravine at the castle's west side. The knights could not follow with their horses. I then stopped in a local bed and breakfast and had many women in my bedroom for the night before heading back to the future. I then continued where I had left off, on-line dating. I quickly found a girlfriend and we retreated to the bedroom. I would recommend on-line dating for anyone who wants a girlfriend quickly, especially if they have a hectic schedule as time-travelling assassins like me find.